I am the Chancellor of the Exchequer

All time darling, treasure of the Treasury
A conjuror of cash, and keeper of the money tree
(Policy.)
This is me.
And so should it be.
DARLING DARLING DARLING
ONE TWO THREE

Who stood firm,
Loyal and true,
To back the Brown
To back the new;
When blesséd Blair
Of our reddish blue
Backed down to let
That same Brown through?

T’was Darling - beetle-black beetling brow
White shock of hair –oh you’re laughing now?
My distinguished glasses flash a beat
As I calmly face paparazzi heat
Cool,
Unruffled,
No fool
Unshuffled;
I remain in my cabinet seat
Professional, serious, neat.

No pompous actor I,
Darling, Darling – straight as a die.
Know this, my public: I do not fudge or lie
(But watch me turn aside and look forlorn
And then turn the guns on George Osborne!)

		***
I AM the Chancellor of the Exchequer

Sometime darling, (still) Treasurer of the Treasury
A manager of monies and announcer of the policy
(Notice the frown – states efficiency
A trick neatly handed onto me
By the guy that came before
Who now says his cock ups were within the law!)
But Darling deals with policy
That same Darling, that is me
And so should be
DARLING DARLING
ONE TWO -

I borrowed, yes. It was policy.
-a plan of Gordo’s
-not come from me!
I balanced our books on MOD
Kept them in copters
And overseas.
Yes it was Darling –great Darling– who juggled it
As lesser ministers lost files and showered shit;
As civil servants dropped from stress;
I spent on farming and the NHS!
Education – Ball’s baby – what a heap
Of tangled policy – impossible to keep!
And the Lords lobbing caveats on all the bills!?
So; Yes: On environment I pruned some frills.
Fine: Darling made ‘some’ mistakes
Invested in Iceland, but them’s the breaks:
Just look at Wall Street with all their cash
How could little Darling foresee a crash?

		***
I err – yes I’m Chancellor of the Exchequer… who’s asking?

Boss of the budget…
Shit… Is that today?
And you want DARLING?
On in ONE…?

Could I see crashes?
Or a depression?
Or Ponzi schemes?
Or the recession?
I was investing in England,
In nuclear fission,
In people’s health
And trading emissions!
Do you know the documents
That get bandied about
On the most meagre motion?
They leave nothing out!!!
So – NO – I didn’t look over the pond
Who has time to read Le Monde?

Fine!
You want to scatter invective?
You précis the next EU directive!
Then we’ll see if you’re effective
Funding a future that’s just like our leader… unelected.