The ship did suddenly run aground
And its rudder was broken off
When Jeff (from the Accounts Department)
Let slip a wettish cough
And while it didn’t amount 
To much, symptomatically,
The AGM had hit a rock
Its members were lost at sea

The bored board paused
And collectively inhaled
Then remembered not to:
Spat out the breath and wailed.
Each knew what they ought to do:
Safety measures by the score
But each neighbour knew different
And no one had the floor.

Prior agreement had been reached:
It had been a good first quarter
But this booming bronchial breach
Put them into choppy waters
The panic was endemic
Each pictured their demise
Forecasts fell asunder 
In the inevitable capsize
 
They shouted “sanitizer”
And “wash his hands with soap”
Others shouted “keelhaul him - 
Does ‘Operations’ have a rope?”
Some turned a queasy green
They sat there shocked and still
And quietly they murmured
“What if we’re already ill?”

A second time the meeting
Was suddenly becalmed
The vitriol stopped flying
Attacks were all disarmed
And in a flurry, like confetti
Or cherry blossom or ghosts
Handkerchiefs and tissues
Then fluttered round their throats

“Not I” said HR muffled through 
The thing clamped to her face,
“I always take precautions.”
“Bollocks - that one’s lace 
You could sail a yacht through the holes”
Said a lady with a purse
So stocked with off-shelf chemistry
She could have been a nurse. 

The CFO cowered behind a binder
A pedant for its terms
He lashed out at all and sundry
Thinking he was swatting germs
Down went the projector 
That no one could function
Clattering laptops went overboard 
In the midst of this dysfunction

The Data Analytics Director
Was playing all the odds
As ever, lacking evidence,
He prayed to all and any Gods.
The flipcharts flipped and trampled on
The whiteboard spelled out “doomed”
Cables were fashioned into garrottes 
All reason was consumed

The PR-slash-Comms director
Bellowed over all the rest
“We’re gonna die!”, removed his tie
And stripped down to his vest
Counting on a last-chance orgy
He gamely masturbated 
But on seeing no one followed comms
He self-defenestrated.

Pointing and pouting majestically 
From his seat, up rose the Chair 
“We’re not into the blame game but... 
- Accounts! That’s the problem there!
We can isolate and contain  
The department but why risk it?
I put it to the vote: lets kill the sick!"
… And then Jeff coughed up the biscuit.

After hand washing and hand wringing
Gave way to common sense
The board retook their places 
And the AGM recommenced.
These titans of the leadership, 
Crew the company with expertise.
"Minute it: need new comms director-”
Just then HR began to sneeze...