While I’m amazed how you do it
And frankly I’m grateful as hell
That I’m cooked for at all,
And cooked for so well 
I just have to ask 
What was in that last,
Quenelle?

It tasted divine 
I can’t place -
Can’t define -
The texture! The taste!
Oooh!
Was it thyme - 
But how - I must know 
Let me in and - oh.  

Oh I see. 

Somehow this…
All makes 
More sense…
You must think me incredibly dense, 
But I wondered how you made
With a hob and a kettle 
And no space to settle 
The partridge parfait
Let alone prep the rest

I mean my kitchen is ample -
Was ample - for tea and toast
But now its been fitted
And apparently firepitted 
With a spit that’s full spitted
For a - literal - mammoth mouthwatering roast.
No no no - this is not a snub 
Yes - I love the smell of the rub
But take that - bain marie ? 
- amazing to see
On the scale of a standard bathtub

I mean - is this my house? Anymore?
I stepped through the door 
And that’s a pantry, unless I’m mistaken?
And I’ve never had room
Behind the door for a broom,
Let alone for a smoke-house, pigfull of bacon

And these people? Yes hello, hello? As if in a dream!
Just turn spits, stir pots and… brush surfaces clean... 

Aha…
I hope its not racist
And won’t cause a stink
But they have the same face -
And it lives under the sink
And it appears that one brush
That I’ve never used,
Is now about fifty 
And preparing me food.

Your sous-chef is -ehe- familiar
And there’s no disguising thaaat
He whisks with his whiskers and paws at poured cream
And I think he ingested half the ceviche sea bream
If she finds out you enchanted her cat
My neighbour will explode and that’s that.
Though I admit it looks soo cute in that hat

Yes its a wonder! And all this for tonight?
We’ll never eat it all - oho - you think that we might?
That quenelle was so delicate 
So perfect, so pure 
I didn’t realise you’d made fifty more. 
I thought the amuse bouche
Was a prelude to <ahem> bed 
But I see you’re a feeder and want to stuff me instead

Well, I suppose we could work with that.

You're a whizz in the kitchen
That's plain to see
The jus is ‘jus-t’ right, and the roux nutty but light
And the smell that is coming from that bain marie!
But put down the ladle - sorry wand - and leave the kitchen with me
Its true, I’m enchanted by your saucery